Going Fast in the Wrong Direction

The Universe/your higher self/spirit guides/angels (all of the above) have a funny and sometimes profound way of getting the message across and I can honestly say they all have my undivided attention now.

Photo by MANH LAI VAN on Unsplash

Oh yeah baby, this blog is about to take a deep dive into my beliefs in spirituality and divine guidance so if that's not your thing, feel free to stop reading now. I used to worry endlessly about offending people by saying the wrong thing or sharing some of the most meaningful but potentially off putting parts of me but I don't worry about stuff like that anymore.

So here's how going fast in the wrong direction showed up in my life in multiple ways and on many levels, which served as plenty evidence for me that there's most definitely a higher power at work here.

I'd been going like 90 at work for the past few months, travelling, teaching, hotelling, and generally not stopping, not thinking about much outside of work, and definitely not listening to my inner voice quietly and determinedly suggesting I take my foot off the gas....until eventually I snapped like a big 'ol rubber band, that is. Similar to the way my older brother would torment me with an elastic band as a kid and that stung like heck when he snuck up on me and snapped me with it.

Yep, this felt alarmingly similar when I snapped at work from going too fast in the wrong direction and the kicker is, I knew on some level it was about to happen but couldn't seem to stop it.

So yeah, I was working too much, feeling stressed, and any kind of self care had absolutely gone out the window. Can't imagine why I ended up feeling a deep seated crustiness with everything in my world. Thankfully I recognized something was coming and decided to take a long weekend to decompress at a provincial park nearby, and although it took a couple of days to stop thinking about work and start to unwind, the unwinding did come.

It also made me realize that if I jumped right back into work, I'd be undoing all the good I'd just done for my mind, body, and spirit so I talked to my boss and decided to use some of the over time I'd built up working like a freak the past couple of months.

The added time allowed me to really unwind, like really unwind. I felt far better than I had in a very long time and I began to see how my actions had led me to the snapping point. I'd already decided to take a break from social media (which I've yet to go back to), I began walking daily, meditating, writing, and just...being, whether that was sitting outside and enjoying the summer finally arriving in Marathon now that it's August, or enjoying a new book. I realized I was feeling a pleasant feeling that had evaded me for longer than I care to admit...a deep inner happy.

While out for a walk one day with my husband, and talking about work, I turned to him and said, "it was like I was doing my damndest to run a race that I didn't even want to be running."

(Cue the going fast in the wrong direction theme.)

But it didn't end there because my spirit guides really needed to get my attention and one little a-ha moment wasn't going to do it for this stubborn Libra, especially since they'd been trying to do that for several weeks by using my right elbow. Yes, my right elbow. Your spirit guides, your soul, your higher self, the Universe - all of them - will use your body to get your attention when you choose to blatantly ignore the gentler signs they send. So my right elbow it was.

I thought I'd hurt it by cranking on a haligan bar in the door prop in the mobile live fire training unit I'd been basically living and teaching in this summer, and my chiropractor confirmed a strain of the tendon. (I'm pretty sure that was his way of saying I lacked what they call muscle, but he's a nice guy so he just laughed when I suggested that's what he was saying.)

Me being me, I referred to a book that I always turn to when I have a niggling pain or ailment that refuses to go away in order to look for the metaphysical or spiritual reason. The book tells you the underlying issue and gives a mantra or affirmation for resolving the issue. In this case, here's what the book said;

Problem	Probable Cause	New Thought Pattern
Elbow (also see joints)	Represents changing directions and accepting new experiences.	I easily flow with new experiences, new directions, and new changes.
Joint	Represents changes in direction in life and the ease of these movements.	I easily flow with change. My life is Divinely guided, and I am always going in the right direction.

I've used this book many times and always find truth in it - when I allow myself to. I've also had great success when I use the new thought patterns or affirmations and give an honest effort (so not just saying it once and expecting miracles to occur.)

I'd consulted the book a couple of times for the elbow thing but hadn't tried the new thought patterns. I did however, feel the quiet truth in the probable cause. I was still struggling with settling into our new home and new town we'd moved to two and a half years ago and I still longed to move back to our home and family ten hours away.

I believed in it the underlying reasons I'd been struggling so much that the week I was off, I changed plans from going back home to see the kids to instead stay and "make friends with Marathon" as I called it. It was time to stop running away from my problems.

It was through that decision to stay that I'd found a sense of balance and zen that I'd been longing for and was determined to bring that with me when I returned to work. I decided to just set the bar low upon my return to work (like I mean so low you couldn't crawl under it let alone limbo under it) and allow myself to just show up. Show up and do my work, but just that. None of that trying-to-do-it-all mindset for this week. No siree. I was taking it nice and easy and keeping my zen on.

Day 1 - nailed it. Showed up. Did some work. Kept a healthy, balanced approach by getting some work done and taking breaks to walk the dogs and have lunch and give the brain a break.

Day 2 - same. The morning went great and I really believed I had the work-life balance thing solved. Work smarter not harder, right? By afternoon, I was still zenning my way through the work day. Things were so good that when my husband asked if I'd like to head out for a ride on the four wheelers after work, I was totally game.

Oddly enough, by the end of the day I'd found myself a little stressed over a couple of emails that needed my attention with competing priorities. Where the hell had my zen gone?

When my husband came in and said he had the bikes out and ready to go, I checked myself and disconnected from work mode and plugged into go-do-something-fun mode. After all, I hadn't been out on my four wheeler once this summer because I'd worked so many weekends and I thought it would do me good to go for a rip and get some mud on the tires.

It took me the first 20 minutes or so to stop thinking about work and just enjoy the ride but after that, I was surprised at how enjoyable it was. I was noticing things like the earthy smell of the woods, the feel of the bike and the joy of being able to do something fun on a warm sunny day in a town which sees cooler temperatures year round then what we were used to back home.

There were five of us out for the ride that day, myself, my husband Earl, a friend from the fire department, Meagan (who we call Magpie after the provincial bird of Alberta and a location near and dear to my heart), and another firefighter named Brady and his cuter than all get out little daughter, Clara. Brady and Clara were in a side by side and Clara was in a car seat and wearing a helmet and goggles. Just when I thought she couldn't get any cuter. Brady took it easy with his precious cargo on board as the three of us tore through the woods on our quads.

As we sat and contemplated running along a section of a hydro cut, Brady said, "we can cross it, just watch out for the holes." He'd gotten stuck there a while back and it took four hours to get his quad unstuck.

Are you getting a sense of where this is going?

Brady went first, cutting across on a diagonal and going slow and steady as he navigated the swampy ruts with Clara happily beside him.

Earl started to follow Brady and I turned to look at Magpie behind me and yelled, "I'm going straight."

I stood up on my quad so as to get a good look at the holes as I ventured through the grassy mud holed swath. I figured I could do a decent enough job of avoiding them and/or muscling my way through if I ended up in a spot that was too soft and I had it in 4WD so I wasn't worried. Besides, we all had winches anyway if any of us got stuck (which have been used once or twice before.)

I could see Earl ahead of me off to my left cutting across towards a rock outcropping on our right. When I determined that I had a good line of sight for where we were headed, I sat down and throttled up a little. Then a little more.

No big holes in sight.

Solid ground ahead.

Might as well give 'er.

(First ride of the season, you wanna bet I was givin' er'.)

Herein lies another apt reminder of an important life lesson - an object in motion stays in motion...

What I failed to see as I was "givin' 'er" across the swampy field towards the rock outcropping was the point at which the terrain abruptly changes from swampy field to rock. Like stop you dead in your tracks abrupt.

Apparently it was the sound of my quad (speeding up or givin' 'er) that made Earl glance over in my direction. He later told me he figured I must have a really good line of sight if I was going that fast.

Oh the irony.

He looked over just in time to see me going real fast in the wrong direction.

He looked over just in time to see an object in motion stay in motion as the vehicle she was riding on stopped instantaneously.

He looked over just in time to see his wife launch herself over her handle bars, feet in the air, head down, and disappear over the far side of her quad.

Brady was on my right side and had a fuller view of my triple sow cow.

He saw me go ass over tea kettle and my helmet hit the front rack on my bike and lift up as I tumbled over. According to him, I'd have lost all my chiclets if I hadn't been wearing the motorcross helmet I was wearing.

And poor Magpie caught the rear view of my flight and thought for sure I'd been badly injured.

As for me, I still have the image of my right handle bar imprinted in my brain because that's the last thing I saw as I continued my journey without my bike beneath me. The mark continues to change colours on my right thigh as it heals and serves as a powerful reminder of my habit of going fast in the wrong direction.

I don't remember hitting the front of the quad but my jaw did feel pretty sore afterwards, and I'm not sure what the inside of my right elbow hit, but that's healing up nicely too.

What I do remember as vividly as the right handle bar is my unbelievably soft landing in the blueberry bushes.

As soon as I came to a stop, I did a quick check mentally, determined nothing was broken and jumped up to my feet, threw my arms in the air and yelled, "I'm ok!" like the token accident prone blonde in the last goofy rom-com you saw on Netflix.

As the others rushed to my side and I assured them I was in fact ok, they recounted their version of what happened. Earl got my quad up on the rock and checked it over. As we walked over to where the others had left their bikes, I said, "Steve had a good laugh at me once he knew I was ok." Earl said, "Steve who?" "My brother Steve." We had a good laugh, sat for a bit, and then continued on our ride. My brother was a Canadian Motocross Champion back in his day who loved to ride and had many an "endo" in his days. He passed away in 2011 but I knew he was there that day.

Later that evening as Earl and I recalled the ride, he referred to me as his crash test dummy and we had another good laugh about it...and I realized just how lucky I was. If I'd gone straight over the front of the quad rather than off to the right, I would landed on the rocks.

I was 100% going fast in the wrong direction and there was a very abrupt change in direction that my book talked about.

Many times in my life I've been going full speed in a certain direction - thinking that it was the right direction at the time - and yet knowing on a deep level that it wasn't. But I kept going anyway, faster than I had been in an effort to avoid or drown out the quiet but persistent voice of my soul.

The truth is, I could have died a week ago when I hit that rock. I could have seriously injured myself, broken my back or my neck and changed my life and the lives of those around me that day and my family and friends forever more.

But that's not what happened.

I landed in blueberry bushes.

Not 10 minutes before I crashed, Magpie and Clara and I had been picking and eating blueberries while I told Clara about my favourite memories of having blueberry pancakes when I was her age, while Brady helped get Earl unstuck from a mud hole.

I definitely felt the presence of my angels/spirit guides in that moment and I've thanked them many times for saving my ass that day. They were there.

I believe.

And I'm grateful.

So grateful.

And I promise to listen.

But please, can we let the elbow pain go now? Ah right, the affirmation.

My life is Divinely guided and I'm always going in the right direction. I've said it many times today and I shall keep saying it and being mindful to never go fast in the wrong direction again.

Photo by LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR on Unsplash

Jen xo